Timing Is Truly Everything

        

I remember when I first saw him, I was fourteen. To me, he looked like someone who had stepped from the heavens and graced the mere mortals with his very presence. He had just moved in to town, but was welcomed in like a celebrity. Within weeks he went from “the new kid” to captain of the football team. He was respected by all and loved by many. Although I was well known in the town, I did not seek popularity, so I only met Travis because he came to my youth group. He was a senior in high school and I was only a lowly freshman. He seemed to be perfect and with one glance of his icy blue eyes I was frozen in place, because I felt as though he could see to the depths of my soul, because he always knew what I was thinking .He was my warrior.   He protected me when I felt weak and afraid. He listened to me when I felt low and  always gave the greatest advice.

As the year went by Travis became a part of the staff at my youth group and we continued to be friends. I watched as he dated countless girls (but in my heart I always knew they would break up) and would be there to encourage him when they did. When I finally graduated high school, he sat through my ceremony as a proud almost boyfriend. We had been friends for four years so no one was shocked when we finally admitted we liked each other (his grandmother just asked so when we were getting married).

We thought we had life all figured out. We would date for four years while we were both at Southwestern and we would get married right after we graduated (as was expected of us). It was no surprised when a week after I graduated Travis asked me to officially be his girlfriend. He had to wait till after graduation because staff was not allowed to date the students. When I opened my mouth to say “yes” something came over me and instead I told him that I wanted to pray about it. Surprised at my answer, he gave me a week to decide, and I started praying.

Every time I prayed I heard the same answer “wait.” I was frustrated, because why would God tell me to wait when this was all part of the plan? The next day I began to hear awful rumors about my almost boyfriend. He was accused of doing drugs, sleeping around and drinking alcohol. I tried to deny them all, because I did not trust the sources, and had never seen him behave in this manner, so how could they be true? When I asked him about the rumors he quickly had a response. “Honey, you know they are just jealous. I never dated her. Why would you believe anything she says? Don’t you trust me? Have I ever lied to you before in the four years you have known me? If you believe this then how well do you know me? Do you really think I would do those things? Baby, I love you and I would never hurt you.” I wanted so badly to believe his excuses, but for some reason I couldn’t. I began to pray harder as the days flew by, but I kept hearing the same word “wait.”

                 Tuesday night, the day before I was scheduled to give him an answer, my world came crumbling down. My friend Summer  from work,  came up to me with puffy eyes asking if she could talk to me in private. We walked to the parking lot and she began to tell me that she slept with Travis. She told me that on Monday she had just agreed to go with him and his friends to the movies. When she found out all his friends ”canceled” ( later we  found out they were never invited in the first place) she agreed to go alone. I sat there with tears in my eyes and in my anger I called him on the phone. When he finally picked up I said “How could you?” He hung up and in five minutes he was in the parking lot to defend his honor. 

     As his eyes blazed he began to tell me the countless excuses I heard before only now I knew the truth. “You lied to me. I trusted you and you chose to hurt me” I said through teary eyes. His tone lowered as he took a different approach and he began to harshly whisper “I never loved you. Didn’t you realize that? I just used you to cover up my secrets. You were the perfect decoy. Who would ever believe a good girl like you would be dating a guy like me? I could live my life the way I wanted and no one suspected a thing until now.” My eyes widened  as I spoke through sobs “Travis, I don’t understand why you did this. You hurt me, but I don’t hate you. I wish I could blame you, but I can’t. Travis, I won't stop praying for you, but I will never speak to you again. ” Travis’ eyes full of frost burned into my soul as he yelled words I choose not to remember . I stood there trying to decide what to do, but I felt lost.   I ran to my truck and jumped in locking the doors and began driving away as he tried to open the truck  doors. I cried and screamed out to God not knowing where to turn or what to do, I felt trapped.  I fought every emotion imaginable and wanted to miss every church event. However, when the time came I went each time. 

       It was not long before the lies began to unravel and Travis’ perfect image crumbled to the ground. He could no longer stand being in the room with me, so he left our church and I have hardly seen him since. I still pray for him, because I want him to do well, because I saw the potential that  he had. He was a leader who had a kind heart, but was corrupted by the very things that he allowed to control him. I wish I could say that he is doing well, but I don’t know this for sure.
             As the for  Summer, we remained distant friends, until she moved away. She returned this  summer for her sisters wedding, and I saw her for the first time. It had been three years since I had seen her last and she was pushing a stroller. When I walked up to say hi, the child with an unknown father, glanced up at me with piercing blue eyes. I was so startled by his features that I dropped the phone I was holding in my hand.  Summer and I  made distant small talk and when she walked away tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt so sorry for her, because she would have to raise this small child all alone. 

         A wise man once said " When gods die they die hard" (Wednesday wars).   Like the statues of the broken  gods,  a person will be cracked and marred by the things that control them. I wanted to see Travis as a sort of demigod because he seemed to be perfection personified, but inside he was weak. He did not put his trust in the God he claimed to love, but instead he was controlled by addictions that wanted to consume him. The addictions did not stop until they had controlled every part of him. Like a hurricane it demolished every piece of his life until nothing was left standing. The years have healed my heart, but he is still broken. Although this was a huge storm in my life at the time (and I did not see how life could move on) it is rather small now. I see how horrible my life would have been if God had not encouraged me to "wait" for his answer. Timing is truly everything.